


Antukin

by ApproachingEden



Series: Wake Up And Live [1]
Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Inception Fusion, M/M, Pining, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-05-28 22:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6348121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApproachingEden/pseuds/ApproachingEden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Extraction is a dangerous occupation but feelings are even more dangerous, and Munakata has far too much of that nasty stuff bottled up. (Inception AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Antukin

_How do you know that you're in a dream?_

For as long as Munakata can remember, he's always been pretty good at lucid dreaming. Control is something that seems to come naturally for him in and out of dreams, as if the universe just willingly bows down to his will. He always knows how to make things go his way and he always has a solution for when they don't. It's why Kusanagi sought him out in the first place. It's what made him so good at this job.

But extraction is a dangerous occupation and Munakata isn't as perfect as he'd like to think he is. And feelings can be very, _very_ powerful, like a tidal wave or a hurricane or a speeding train about to crash into a bus full of children stuck in the middle of the tracks. As it were, extraction jobs and powerful emotions don't get along well at all.

  
  
  


Munakata fishes out a wooden burr puzzle piece from the pocket of his coat and turns it over in his hands. The texture is wrong, the weight is wrong. It's not even the piece he brought with him today. He's still in a dream.

He is in pain and all he can see is red. There's blood on his hand, gushing out from somewhere on his body, soaking his puzzle piece. His head is pounding, but he can't tell if it's a bad headache or Suoh's heartbeat, beating loudly and furiously against his ear as Suoh holds him tight. His vision starts to blur and he can't keep track of everyone the way he should be doing. But he knows he's still in a dream.

A familiar melody begins. It's slowed down into an agonizing pace and it's so loud yet so far away. Suoh is yelling something Munakata can't make out.

  
  
  


Suoh is everything Munakata dislikes in a person. "Hate" seems too powerful a feeling and Munakata doesn't want to associate any strong emotions to someone who clearly places no value in his opinions, so he settles for "dislike". How can he not? Suoh sleeps through meetings, moves around as if simply opening his mouth is too much trouble, and puts in as little effort into everything as he can possibly get away with.

And yet it's an overstatement to say that Suoh never pays attention. If he didn't, there'd be no way he'd actually know what they're after in a specific job. If he didn't, he wouldn't be able to push Munakata's buttons as masterfully as he does every single time. Suoh always knows what he's doing even if he doesn't look like he does, and perhaps the only thing he actually invests any real energy on is specifically doing the exact opposite of whatever Munakata tells him to do.

If Munakata is a quiet forest, Suoh is the fire that burns it slowly but surely. He burns through everything, leaves destruction at his wake. He leaves a mess in Munakata's heart.

Munakata doesn't know why Suoh keeps making problems for him to fix, but fixing problems _is_ in his job description and the pay is better than if he pursued a career in law like he initially planned. So he puts up with it, puts up with Suoh.

He puts up walls so Suoh's fire can't touch him. He puts up fences to keep his feelings in.

  
  
  


Munakata struggles to sit up, flails in the shallow water of the shore; he gasps for air. When he finally manages to get on his feet, he stumbles out of the water. He drags himself into land, and walks, and walks. He follows a path without knowing where it leads to and soon he finds himself among familiar trees.

The sky is dark and it's snowing. It's a recurring dream, one he never really understood but never paid attention to either. In it Suoh appears. Munakata always offers him a cigarette (which he takes) and a warning (which he doesn't). He doesn't know what he's warning Suoh about, doesn't try to figure it out. He doesn't think of saying something different every time. The dream just ends that way.

But this time when Munakata offers his cigarette, Suoh doesn't take it.

He looks tired. Suoh always looks tired despite sleeping most of his days away. His voice always sounds like he just woke up and he always speaks as if he's dragging his words. That is what Munakata knows, what he expects.

"Let's go home, Munakata," Suoh says.

This Suoh's voice rings clear in Munakata's chest, his words coming out of his mouth with a gentleness that Munakata has never heard from him before. He's tired, the way he extends his arm out, the way he looks at Munakata. But he takes Munakata's hand and holds it tightly, desperately. His fire licks at the walls that Munakata put up, breaks them down like they were made of thin paper, and suddenly Munakata feels the weight of so many decades on his shoulders.

Munakata looks down at their hands and finds that his is old and wrinkly and frail. Suoh only tightens his grip, as if he's afraid. Of what, Munakata doesn't know. He doesn't ask.

"Let's go home," Suoh repeats.

  
  
  


_How do you know that you're in a dream?_

The next time Munakata opens his eyes, he's on a train. Beside him Suoh stirs awake as well. The PASIV Device has been put away and Kusanagi has gone with the boys. The only indication that they were ever there is Awashima staring at both of them from her seat. When she sees they're awake, she gives them a meaningful look—relief, assurance—and a nod before exiting the car herself, disappearing until their next job. Their target is still asleep on his seat but soon he will wake up too. The overhead announcement states that they will be arriving in Osaka shortly.

Suoh pays them no attention. He only looks at Munakata and takes his hand. This time when Munakata looks down at their hands, it's not an old man that he finds in Suoh's grip.

"Are we home yet?" Munakata asks.

"Almost," Suoh replies with a lazy smile.

Munakata doesn't think of the puzzle piece in his pocket; he focuses only on the warmth of Suoh's hand. He finds, as he laces their fingers together, that he isn't yet eager to know if he's in a dream or not. Maybe eventually it will have to matter, but for now he'll take Suoh's word for it.


	2. Checkmate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Totsuka Tatara lives and breathes in the waking world, yet in dreams Munakata feels like he's competing with his ghost.

Totsuka Tatara lives and breathes in the waking world, yet in dreams Munakata feels like he's competing with his ghost. Gentle eyes, a friendly smile, a melodious laughter that seems to light up the room— all of Totsuka Tatara haunts Munakata's subconscious, eats at his bitter core very slowly, very surely, so that his dreams become the kind of nightmare where nothing really happens except you know you're asleep but you can't wake up.

The first time Totsuka Tatara showed up as a projection in Munakata's dream, it was during a particularly tricky extraction job. Everyone was surprised and Munakata didn't know what to say, but the projection turned out to be quite helpful so they mostly shrugged it off and since then its presence during extractions have been met only with welcome from Munakata's teammates.

Not so much from Munakata.

The amused smile on Suoh's lips as Totsuka Tatara's projection says something silly doesn't escape Munakata's observation. In fact, it further aggravates his already sour mood.

Totsuka Tatara's projection gets along with everyone so well just like the real deal that Kusanagi would tease and praise Munakata for projecting him so perfectly. Awashima agrees and Fushimi scoffs, but even when they say nothing about it Munakata knows they suspect something more serious is up. Right now he's just thankful that they're not confronting him about it because for the first time in his life, Munakata doesn't have an answer to a puzzle he is presented with.

"Even in my dreams you're still too nice," Munakata mutters under his breath.

"Only because you can't find fault in me," the projection replies softly. "But that's exactly why I'm here, right?"

Munakata's grip on his gun tightened while his free hand curls around the wooden puzzle piece inside his coat pocket. He's not sure who he wants to shoot more— himself or Totsuka Tatara's projection. It hit him where it hurts, knew exactly where it hurts, and Munakata hates how it's gotten to the point that he's projecting in his dreams the one person he cannot defeat. He hates that this is how affected he is.

"It's not a competition, you know," says the projection with a meaningful smile, before skipping off to lead the team to another area.

 

 

Munakata is awake. He checked only a minute ago before lighting a cigarette and sitting on one of the crates behind Izumo's bar. The burr puzzle piece weighs heavy in his coat pocket, heavy like the memories it carries, ripping a hole through the delicate weaving of his heart and cracking the ice in the frozen wasteland that surrounds it.

Yata called him "Ice King" once out of frustration, and Munakata finds himself agreeing. Next to Totsuka Tatara's blinding sunshine he mights as well be eternal winter.

Suoh emerges from the back door and walks over to lean on the wall next to the crate that Munakata is sitting on. He lights his own cigarette and takes a drag.

"Hey," Suoh says. He's looking straight ahead with an unreadable expression on his face. "You got a thing for Tatara?"

Munakata chokes on smoke trying to swallow a bitter laugh because Suoh completely misunderstood the reason Totsuka Tatara's likeness plagues his dreams. It's so tempting to throw the puzzle piece at Suoh's face, hurl the rest of the pieces kept in a locked drawer at his desk in his room, finally free himself from the past. From this infatuation. From this torture. From Suoh Mikoto.

"I wish I did," is the only thing he manages to say.

 

 

"I would appreciate it if you would stop showing up," Munakata tells Totsuka Tatara's projection the next time it appears next to him. "Suoh thinks I have feelings for you."

"Technically, you do," says the projection. "Just not the kind of feelings he's thinking of… Anyway, he wouldn't think so if you just told him the truth."

"Even if I did, you would still be here."

The projection appears thoughtful. "Hmm. Yes. But that's only because you still think of this as a competition."

"A competition I cannot win," Munakata replies bitterly. He watches as the projection lightly touches the earring on its left ear with its delicate fingers, remembers the matching earring Suoh wears. He brought a lighter puzzle piece today but it feels heavy as if someone took all the elephants in the room and shoved them in Munakata's coat pocket.

"There was never a competition, Munakata-san," the projection says. It turns around to wave Suoh over and Suoh cracks a smile for it the way he does for no one else.

Perhaps the projection has a point. It's only a competition if Munakata stood a chance, which he very clearly didn't. Still doesn't.

Totsuka Tatara lives and breathes in the waking world, yet in dreams Munakata repeatedly loses to his ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a three-hour power outage and I was bored and Munakata is an idiot so this happened.


	3. Pendulum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three times the earth stood still for Munakata.

The first time was on the rooftop of their school building. They were in high school, underage. The classes for that day just ended and it should have been time for club activities, but Kusanagi, a senior, has quit his club to focus on university entrance exams and Suoh wasn't part of any. Totsuka jumped around various clubs, and that day he was yet undecided which one to join for the month.

As for Munakata, he left the student council room under the pretense of patrolling to make sure all clubs are functioning as they should. No one stopped or questioned him because such is his reputation that even suggesting he is capable of breaking rules is tantamount to blasphemy. Suoh knew better, though. So he didn't even so much as bat an eyelash when Munakata walked in on them getting drunk on the rooftop.

Munakata doesn't remember how Kusanagi managed to sneak the bottles of beer to school and as a member of the student council, he should have reported them. But against his better judgement he sat down on the floor next to Suoh, his back to the wire fence that separated them from a four-storey fall, and pulled out a cigarette. Suoh and Kusanagi smoked and drank in silence while Totsuka giggled and sang songs, and if anyone saw them they would have thought he was the drunk one even though he avoided both vices.

(They would have also reported the four of them, guaranteeing their expulsion, but no one did so Kusanagi graduated just fine that year and Munakata went on to be student council president until their senior year.)

Totsuka must have finally exhausted himself at some point because he fell silent, snuggling between his drunk friends and falling asleep against a snoring Kusanagi. Munakata took a last drag and tossed his cigarette butt into a small ashtray that Kusanagi thoughtfully brought with him. He moved to stand.

Suoh pulled him back down.

When Munakata turned to him to protest, Suoh grabbed him by the shoulders and smashed their lips against each other. Munakata admittedly knew nothing of kisses at that point but he was certain this one was rough and clumsy and not at all the work of someone who was 100% sober. The smell of smoke and alcohol mixed together like a nauseating perfume, filling Munakata's nostrils the way Suoh's dry lips scratched his own, the way Suoh's warm hands burned through his uniform, his skin, his flesh, his bones.

He didn't know how long they stayed that way before pulling away. Certainly not the eternity it felt like, right? When they finally did, however, Munakata left without a word ( _like a coward_ ) and neither of them spoke of it again.

 

 

The second time was on Munakata's birthday the next year. Totsuka was mysteriously absent after school and Suoh was suspiciously intent on walking Munakata home.

"I am not the one who requires protection from your enemies, Suoh," said Munakata. Where he expected a vicious retort, he was met only with a strangely offended frown.

"He's fine," said Suoh. "I made sure."

"And you think I will benefit from being seen walking home with a delinquent like you?"

"Goddammit, Munakata!" Suoh snapped. "Why d'you gotta be an asshole about everything all the time? 's not like you've got other friends to walk home with!"

"So you're walking me home out of pity? I'll have you know I have plenty of friends!" Munakata huffed. He knew he was sounding undignified and immature then, but Suoh definitely struck a cord there.

Suoh rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's why you keep hanging out with delinquents like me and _my_ friends."

Munakata felt his face flush. He prided on being a difficult book, yet Suoh has always been so quick to read him. Not even his own parents could understand him as accurately. He thought if Suoh was as good at academics as he was at figuring out Munakata, he might actually have a shot at graduating with honors.

When they reached the small playground a block away from Munakata's house, Suoh stopped and fished a package from his school bag. It's small and neatly wrapped in fancy blue paper; it must have been Totsuka's work because Munakata doubts Suoh is capable of such delicacy.

"Here," Suoh muttered as he carelessly tossed the package at Munakata, who caught it just barely.

"What's this?" Munakata asked, eyeing the package uncertainly.

"Why don'tcha open it?"

"I meant... What is it for?"

Suoh frowned at him. "'s your birthday, ain't it?"

"... You're giving me a present."

"Obviously." Suoh looked away, but not soon enough to hide the light flush on his face. "Throw it away if you don't like it. Don't care."

Munakata looked from Suoh to the package, and back at Souh again. His heart is beating like a loud drum against his chest, his ears going deaf at the sound of his blood rushing like several fighters planes launching at the same time.

"I... Suoh...," he began, though words have left him too.

"Thought about you when I saw that," said Suoh, looking everywhere but at Munakata. "Nothing special, really."

"Thank you."

That got him to look up. Munakata closed the distance between them and lightly pressed his lips on Suoh's before quickly pulling away and running the rest of the way home. Suoh didn't follow.

It's true. The present wasn't anything special on its own. Munakata has many puzzles in different shapes and sizes and level of difficulty, made out of various materials from plastics to metals. But the one he treasures the most even after all these years is the wooden burr puzzle inside the fancy blue wrapping paper.

 

 

The third and last before Munakata left to study in England was on their graduation day. They're alone at the rooftop after the ceremony, sitting side by side against the wire link fence, so close to each other that their shoulders are pressed together. Neither spoke, cigarette smoke filling the silence between them.

Munakata was the first to finish his stick, the first to stand up and crush his cigarette butt under the heel of his shoe. Suoh followed not long after.

"This is it, then?" Munakata said.

Suoh hummed a solemn agreement.

"Alright." Munakata held out a hand. "Goodbye, Suoh."

Suoh took his hand but didn't shake it. Instead, he pulled Munakata close and kissed him.

It was over as soon as it started.

"Goodbye, Munakata," said Suoh as he let go of Munakata's hand and disappeared down the staircase.

Munakata stood frozen. His fingers were cold where Suoh's touch left them and his heart was traitorously loud. It felt as if time stood still and perhaps, if he were to be truthful, time never really resumed after that.

 

 

They meet again three years later after Kusanagi recruits Munakata for the extraction team. There are new faces but the seat next to Suoh still belongs to Totsuka who welcomes Munakata with such enthusiasm and sincerity that it drowns the demons in Munakata's head.

Suoh is taller now, more muscular, and he wore his red hair in messy spikes. His white shirt tightly clung to his body as he lay sprawled on the couch, long legs stretched in front of him to rest on the coffee table. It takes all of Munakata's willpower to focus on Suoh's face instead, and even then those amber eyes do unspeakable things to his heart.

"As uncouth as ever, I see," Munakata says to Suoh. The redhead kid sitting on one of the bar stools visibly fumes at the insult in Suoh's behalf.

"Glad to know you're still an asshole," Suoh replies, but there is a familiar fondness in his voice.

Totsuka laughs and Munakata can't help smiling in return. He feels the hands of time begin to shift once more.


	4. Gridlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a saying in my country which roughly translates to, "make fun of a drunk, but not of someone who just woke up".
> 
> In which Suoh is the one who actually wants to talk. Gasp.

"Tell me about the forest."

Munakata thinks getting drunk after a job that ended with him having to be pulled out of limbo is not to be counted among his greatest ideas. But here he sits shoulder to shoulder with Suoh, glasses of god knows what in hand, at the bar of a pub in Osaka. What else is there to do now anyway? Sleep? Munakata laughs bitterly to himself at the thought. Sleeping is basically his job and he thinks he's done enough of it at this point to last him a lifetime.

"The forest," Suoh repeats when Munakata doesn't answer.

"What about it?" Munakata asks. It's been hours since they got off the train but he still feels like his thoughts are clouded with sleep.

"Tell me."

"What do you want to know? It's just a forest."

Suoh shrugs. "Dunno. Were you waiting there the whole time?"

"I don't remember. What makes you think I was waiting?"

"Tatara told me."

The projection. Munakata vaguely remembers it was there before he lost consciousness in the last dream level. Of course a projection of his subconscious would know everything about his innermost thoughts and feelings, but exactly how much did it reveal to Suoh?

In any case, Munakata isn't up to discussing the contents of his subconscious right now, especially not at a bar of a pub in Osaka with Suoh.

"I get it now," Suoh says.

Munakata groans, annoyed. "I'd ask you to elaborate, but I'm currently not in the proper condition to humor you."

"Drunk already? Didn't expect you to be a lightweight." Suoh has an amused smile on his face and Munakata is itching to punch it away.

"I'm not. My mind is just preoccupied with other things I deem more important than the nonsense babbling of a brute."

If Suoh is offended by Munakata's words, he doesn't show it. He only rolls his eyes and takes a swig of his drink. "Was hoping you'd at least talk less when you're drunk. Turns out you're still a talkative asshole."

"I apologize for disappointing you," says Munakata dryly. He's starting to feel warm after the nth glass of whatever alcoholic beverage Suoh got for both of them and he's suddenly aware that, having taken off his coat earlier, his totem is no longer _on_ him.

"You're not really sorry."

"Correct. I am not."

Suoh hums, a thoughtful look on his face. "'s fine. I like you just like this."

They both fall silent. It takes a bit too long for Munakata to properly digest what was just said and even then he doesn't know what to make of it. Suddenly he is hyper aware of their close proximity to each other, of their shoulders touching. Munakata can't tell who's leaning onto whom, but Suoh isn't moving away so he doesn't see why he should.

At least until he turns to Suoh and finds their faces far too close that their noses almost touch.

Munakata quickly pulls away and keeps his eyes on his hands in front of him. He almost winces at the loss of contact, his shoulder still burning under his shirt from where it was touching Suoh's. He feels like he's in high school again.

"You think too much, Munakata," says Suoh, sounding irritated. He doesn't move from his spot at all and Munakata can feel Suoh's eyes burn holes in his skull.

"Someone has to do the thinking for both of us after all," Munakata replies.

"Ah, so you're thinking of me? Can't say I don't like that." Now he sounds amused again. Munakata doesn't even have to look at Suoh to see his self satisfied grin.

"Yes, I am thinking of the different ways I could possibly get away with murdering you."

"Mmhm."

Munakata wraps his hands around his drinking glass and stares at it like he's trying to make it explode with his brain. True, he is the type of person who tends to overthink things. It's worked to his advantage most of the time, and even when it didn't, it wasn't detrimental to whatever his goal was. He likes knowing exactly what's in front of him, all the possibilities, the variables, all the ways something can go wrong or go right. Munakata is usually good at that. It makes him a pretty good problem solver, the ideal point man. He likes thinking and it pisses him off that Suoh of all people has the gall to scold him for it.

He drains his glass and loudly asks for another.

"Hey, I'm not haulin' your drunk ass outta here, 'kay?" Suoh says.

There's something off about the tone of his voice but Munakata doesn't know if he's just imagining it. Maybe he's just imagining this whole exchange. Maybe he hasn't woken up at all. He reaches for the pocket of his coat that he had hung over the back of his chair, and curls his hand tight around the wooden puzzle piece.

"Tell me about the forest," Suoh says firmly. When Munakata looks up, he finds Suoh watching him intently.

"I do not appreciate your persistence on that subject," says Munakata. "I don't know what Totsuka-kun's projection told you. It is only a forest."

"Seemed important to you."

"Why the sudden interest in things that are important to me?"

"Always been interested. Just never asked."

Munakata frowns at Suoh as his grip on the puzzle piece tightens to the point of hurting. The texture and the weight feel right. It's the correct piece too. And yet he still feels like he's trapped in a dream, a nightmare. He's been waiting for Totsuka Tatara's projection to show up, waiting for it to confirm that, yes, this is a dream and that he's not having this conversation with Suoh right now.

Suoh sighs heavily and gets off his seat, pays for them both. "You've had enough to drink. Let's go."

"I'm not—"

"No, we're done here," Suoh says with finality. He shrugs his jacket on, grabs Munakata by the wrist and tugs until Munakata relents.

The pub is within the neighborhood of Kusanagi's apartment where they're staying for the night. Munakata has gotten familiar with the area, having stayed there after a few extraction jobs in the past (sometimes alone, never with Suoh), and he likes it quite a lot. But he thinks it's time to find somewhere else to stay in Osaka soon since their occupation is not exactly legal, and staying in one place for too long is too much of a risk.

The keys to Kusanagi's apartment jiggle inside Munakata's other coat pocket as he follows Suoh through the empty streets of the quiet neighborhood. Suoh hasn't let go of his wrist and Munakata still has his other hand in the pocket with the puzzle piece, his coat draped over his arm. Munakata finds no strength to pull free so he lets Suoh lead him into the evening.

And then they stop only a few steps away from the apartment building, next to a vending machine under a lamppost. Suoh finally releases him. Munakata doesn't let go of the puzzle piece.

"What is it now?" he asks.

The look on Suoh's face takes Munakata back to high school. It's one that he hasn't seen often but has come to associate with Suoh thinking very hard. It happens sometimes. Munakata sighs in defeat.

"The forest is just a recurring dream," he says quietly. He watches as Suoh's gaze drops at the hand that's buried in the pocket of his coat. The puzzle piece digs into the palm of his hand. "You appear in it, though nothing really significant happens. I'm afraid I have not put much thought on that dream before this... But it's not really the forest you want to know about, is it?"

Suoh looks up and chuckles. Under the light of the lamppost he looks almost sinister. "Well _now_ I want to know more about it."

"It's unlike you to be so roundabout with what you want."

"It's not like you to be such a mess like this."

Munakata huffs. "I prefer to think it's a side effect to being pulled out of limbo just a few hours ago..."

Suoh snorts. "Fair enough."

"I still would rather not talk about it… at least not right now."

"Hmm. The one time I actually want you to talk...," Suoh mutters, but there's a playful smirk on his lips and a warm look in his eyes. "'s fine. I know how to wait."

Munakata very nearly laughs. "Oya? 'Suoh Mikoto' is not exactly synonymous to 'patience'."

Almost as soon as he says it, Munakata regrets because Suoh leans in very close, staring straight into Munakata's eyes. He pulls him in like a strong gravitational force, so powerful that Munakata couldn't fight it, couldn't lean away. They're close enough for their breaths, reeking of cigarette smoke and alcohol, to mix together into something warm and nauseating.

"Been waiting for a long time. Running out of patience," Suoh says in a voice so low it sends tremors down Munakata's spine. "So if you take _too_ long, no choice but to take matters into my own hands." He pulls back, looks away, and shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "Until then, I'll wait."

They stand around in silence for a while, avoiding each other's gazes. It's cold out this time of the year and he's not quite sure if he likes the idea of being confined in a closed space with Suoh soon, so Munakata reluctantly releases his hold on his totem, if only so he could put his coat on.

"Ah. I have yet to thank you...," Munakata whispers, almost to himself but it's quiet enough on the street that Suoh hears and turns to face him. "For pulling me out of there, I mean... That was dangerous and I haven't thanked you for it."

Suoh closes the distance between them again and presses his lips lightly against Munakata's. When he pulls back, there is no smugness in his smile. "Now you have. You're welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longer the rotational power outage lasts the longer this AU becomes. I'm not sure if I like this development.
> 
> I think it's pretty obvious at this point that I do not have any beta. I just post them as they get done. I'm sorry.


	5. Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Munakata makes a friend. Social Link Rank Up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like MunaTotsu, it's cool. But there's gonna be a bit of it, just sayin'.

Munakata initially accepted the job as a favour to a friend. Kusanagi is a decent guy—smart, reliable, and hardworking—so, putting aside his more questionable activities, Munakata had a good enough opinion of him to consider him a friend. He had just returned from overseas and was aiming to continue his studies, hoping to eventually pursue a career in law, and while he already had plans on how to finance his education without unnecessarily burdening his parents, Munakata thought it wouldn't hurt to earn some extra on the side while he was on break.

In hindsight, doing something not quite legal to fund a future career in law is rather ironic. But to be fair, Munakata ended up not going through with his initial plan, instead becoming a beloved teacher at a local kindergarten after finishing school, all while continuing to work as a point man for Kusanagi's team. Everyone needs a cover up, after all.

Five years after the first job, he's still breaking into other people's dreams for a living.

Part of the space above Kusanagi's bar is used as the extraction team's headquarters of sorts. Suoh and his younger sister Anna occupy only the bedrooms, leaving the rest of the area for everyone else to use as they please. There is a corner where Fushimi's level plans and models are kept, mixed with his schoolworks and projects so that at first glance it will only look like an architecture student's mess. Everybody else keep their notes and do their work elsewhere as a safety precaution, but the space is also mainly used as a meeting venue particularly when everyone is required to be present.

This is where Munakata finds himself, standing around a table, studying a level plan with Totsuka as Fushimi grumpily walks them through it.

"Great work as always, Fushimi-kun," says Munakata. "Clever use of a paradox."

"Saru-kun only improves, ne?" says Totsuka, smiling like a ray of sunshine.

Munakata thinks there's no way he can outshine such a smile, but Fushimi doesn't seem to share the same feeling of awe (or jealousy?), clicking his tongue in obvious annoyance.

"Are we done here, then?" Fushimi says. "I have exams to study for."

Munakata fights off a chuckle and nods. "Yes, of course. Thank you for your time. I wish you good luck in your exams."

"I'm sure Saru-kun will ace all of them!"

Fushimi grabs his bag and disappears down the stairs, leaving Munakata and Totsuka alone together. It shouldn't be awkward. It was never awkward when they were in high school. However, things change and eight years is a significant amount of time, especially when three of it was spent not seeing each other while the rest was a strange period in which Munakata acquired far too much unreasonable salt with regards to Totsuka. Wherever the awkward tension is coming from, it is clear that only Munakata feels it because Totsuka is looking at him with such kind eyes that a heavy weight settles itself on his chest.

"Munakata-san, if you're still not feeling well, we can do this some other time," says Totsuka. He gently places a warm hand on top of Munakata's. "I'll handle whatever else we need so everything'll be ready for you when you're feeling better."

"No, I'm alright," says Munakata, glancing at their hands on the table. "I was only thinking..."

"Ah, you really haven't changed all these years. Still thinks too much!" Totsuka laughs. "It's good to rest too, once in awhile."

"Suoh said the same thing."

"Did he?" Totsuka moves away to fall into a chair. His smile never leaves his face. "Well King has always looked at only you. So of course he'd notice that."

Even after all these years Totsuka hasn't gotten rid of the habit of calling Suoh "King". Munakata never understood this. He just assumed it was a weird pet name or an inside joke he was not privy to. It was always a reminder that he was not part of their circle, an outsider—the overachiever student council president who was too _abnormal_ to make and keep proper friends of his own.

Munakata chuckles and flashes Totsuka a teasing smirk as he takes the seat next to him. "Oya? Then by that logic, you have been looking at me as well."

"Oh, I have!" Totsuka says casually. "I had a crush on you since high school."

The smirk falls off Munakata's face. He stares at Totsuka, incredulous. Somehow the air in the room becomes stale and all of Munakata's limbs are frozen in place. The weight on his chest feels even heavier.

"Excuse me?"

Totsuka's face colours and his smile turns shy. "I still do, actually." He then frantically waves his hands in front of himself. "But don't worry! I have no expectations and I'm 1000% content with being just friends!"

When Munakata doesn't reply, Totsuka drops his hands on his lap and his shoulders sag. He frowns apologetically. "I'm sorry. I just made it really weird, huh?"

"No, I—" Munakata shakes his head. He admits he can be rather slow when it comes to Totsuka's brand of humour. "Is this a joke that I'm failing to comprehend?"

"What? No!" Totsuka laughs and it sounds like wind chimes in a bright summer day. The amusement in his voice seemingly defrosts Munakata's shock. "I'm serious. I just never said anything before because I knew King likes you a lot."

"I don't understand." says Munakata, genuinely confused for the first time in a long time. "Why would you like me?"

Totsuka props an elbow on his armrest and rests his chin on his hand. He smiles warmly, reminding Munakata of the day Totsuka welcomed him to the team.

"Why would I not? There are many many reasons to like you, Munakata-san. And anyone you allow to be part of your life is a very lucky person."

"Hmm... I don't deserve such kind words from you, Totsuka-kun." Munakata drops his gaze. "There are a few things I still have to apologize to you for."

"If this is about the projection, I think there are plenty other times we can talk about it. I admit it did give me a bit of hope, but I remembered your totem, so..."

Munakata looks up again. "My totem?"

"Yeah." Totsuka leans back on his chair and looks away in thought. "I saw it long ago in your first dream."

Totsuka served as the team's original point man before Munakata came along. When they were hired for a job bigger than what they were used to, Kusanagi brought Munakata in to help Totsuka with his tasks. Training him naturally fell unto Totsuka who was more than happy to share his knowledge, and so they shared quite a number of dreams in the beginning, allowing both of them to be quite familiar of each other's subconscious tendencies. Munakata learned quickly and the point man position was passed on to him shortly after, as Totsuka insisted he was a better fit for the job.

Munakata would have thought that Totsuka resented him for it, but Totsuka only had praises for him and the man has never been anything but sincere.

"King gave you a puzzle for your birthday way back." Totsuka turns back to Munakata with a grin. "I remember because I was the one who wrapped it."

"Ah, I knew Suoh couldn't have done such a wonderful job on his own."

Totsuka giggles. "Why, thank you! Do you still have it?"

"Yes, I do," says Munakata. His right hand automatically reaches for the wooden puzzle piece in his jacket's pocket. "I kept all the pieces."

"I see." Totsuka smiles knowingly, glancing at the hand in Munakata's pocket only very briefly.

A silence descends upon them, but this time it isn't awkward. It is warm and comfortable, yet powerful, like a single gentle tap that is somehow enough to leave cracks on the walls that Munakata has surrounded himself with. Through those cracks, Totsuka peeks in, offers a hand, and Munakata wonders if all this time it was himself who shut them out, put himself outside the circle. Perhaps it never mattered if he was an "outsider". They were always his friends and he was theirs, and that should have been enough.

It is enough.

"Totsuka-kun, I'm afraid I currently do not have an answer for your feelings," Munakata says. In his pocket, he turns over his totem in his hands. "However, I am interested in forging a better friendship with you from now on, if you are alright with that."

The smile that Totsuka answers him with breaks all the walls down completely and Munakata feels the weight lifted off his chest. He can't help smiling back.

"I will always be more than happy to be your friend, Munakata-san."


	6. Cognizance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Munakata's Social Link Rank Up Festival continues with the Priestess Arcana.
> 
> Or: Munakata has a lot of realizations lately. He also makes another friend.

Jealousy is silly and immature, and Munakata wants nothing to do with it if he could help it. Sure, there was a strange angry heat in his chest and a weird cold hollowness in his stomach every time he saw Suoh and Totsuka laughing at some dumb joke together, but that wasn't jealousy. He's probably just tired or hungry because he only had three hours of sleep and coffee before coming to the meeting and everyone was just goddamn loud so early in the morning.

(It was already afternoon.)

For years it was a feeling that Munakata really struggled with, but at least it made sense to him. He could, however grudgingly, admit to himself that he has unresolved issues regarding Suoh, and that Totsuka was just an unfortunate casualty of this internal war. Totsuka has always been right there in the line of fire. That he would get caught in it was inevitable.

What Munakata did not understand was the inexplicable sinking feeling he got just watching Totsuka and Anna do little things together like do homework or play games or make a mess on Izumo's bar while finger painting. Munakata likes to think of himself as a reasonable man. And he is. It's just that his feelings aren't always reasonable.

Anna was five years old when Munakata left to study overseas. She was a polite, soft-spoken child who clung to Suoh a lot and got along very well with Totsuka. While she seemed to watch Munakata closely in the few times they saw each other, she never said much in his presence. He shrugged it off then, thinking she was probably just shy since he was pretty much a stranger unlike Totsuka and Kusanagi.

It was only after he returned that Munakata began to regret not putting more effort into getting to know her. She was eight the next time they saw each other, and she had changed. Spoke a little more, become more open. Still there was a gap between them that Munakata can't seem to figure out how to cross. It wasn't that he's terrible with children— in fact, he's great with them and his own niece and nephew would attest to that— but Anna became a completely different puzzle to Munakata in the three years he was away.

"It's been a while," Munakata told her. They were sitting at Izumo's bar as Totsuka enthusiastically attempted to mix him a welcome drink. "You've grown a lot."

"Thank you," Anna said quietly. "Reishi has grown too."

Munakata couldn't help smiling because she was the first to tell him that since he came back.

Anna turned out to be very smart and intuitive, which Munakata thinks is thanks to Totsuka's influence. On one hand, he's glad that she turned out better than her lazy brute of a brother. On the other hand, Munakata feels like she knows a lot more than she lets on, and it's frankly unsettling.

"Reishi."

Anna's soft voice was the first thing Munakata heard after waking up from the dream where Totsuka's projection first appeared. She was sitting next to him with a cup of green tea. Behind them, Yata fussed over the others who were only just waking up.

"Tea?" she offered.

"Yes, thank you," Munakata said as he took the cup.

"Bad dream?"

Munakata shook his head for lack of a better answer. But he knew that she knew and somehow they both understood.

After that, Munakata seemed to find himself around Anna more often. Whether it was Anna going out of her way to spend time with him or him just being more aware of her presence, Munakata doesn't know. All he was sure of is that spending time with her, teaching her how to solve a Rubik's cube, and helping her with English homework made him feel a lot better and a lot less bitter towards Totsuka.

It is then that a painful and bitter realization hits Munakata square in the face like a well-aimed brick. He was jealous of Totsuka's relationship with Anna because it reminded him that he was an "outsider". It reminded him of Totsuka's place in Suoh's life. It reminded him of _his_ own place in Suoh's life. And that place was a place that Munakata doesn't appreciate being in.

Truth be told, Munakata didn't even know what he really wanted from Suoh. Friendship? Approval? Why would he want the approval of someone who seems to only sleep, drink, and smoke his days away? A romantic relationship? Suoh is admittedly good-looking, but that is literally the only pro in the sea of cons that Munakata can think of. A sexual relationship, then? Possibly. Suoh wouldn't be the first.

But if this jealousy is only because of the desires of his flesh, what did it matter if Suoh never smiled for him the way he does for Totsuka? What did it matter if Suoh's sister has a bond with Totsuka that he cannot measure up to? What did it matter if Totsuka Tatara is an important piece that Suoh's life cannot be without, and that he, Munakata Reishi, didn't fit anywhere in it?

After five years, Munakata is only still trying to piece together the answers to all his questions. He's still trying to put a name to his feelings, still trying to figure them out and accept them. The past few weeks especially have been a roller coaster ride of thoughts and emotions. There is just a lot to digest. Even as he sits at the coffee table working on a puzzle with Anna, he realizes that he's barely even gotten over surviving limbo, much less Suoh's sorta-confession, and definitely not Totsuka's more direct admission of his own feelings.

"Reishi's mind is busy," Anna says, snapping Munakata out of his thoughts.

"How rude of me," Munakata answers. "I apologize. I should be paying more attention to my companion instead of letting my mind wander."

"It's alright. Thinking is not bad."

Anna is older now. Twelve, turning thirteen. She's still essentially a child, but what she gained in years she also gained in wisdom threefold.

"Is that so?" he says. He picks up a puzzle piece and turns it in his hands. "Suoh and Totsuka-kun said I think too much."

"They're not wrong," says Anna. "But that's what makes you who you are. And Mikoto and Tatara like you just like this."

"... I see."

"Thinking is both your strength and weakness, but Mikoto and Tatara and everyone like you when you are strong just as much as when you are weak. So there's no need to apologize for it."

Anna rests a hand on Munakata's, the one that is fiddling with the puzzle piece, and smiles at him kindly.

"It's also alright to take a break," she says, taking the piece from Munakata, placing it on the board, and picking up more pieces to connect to it.

As Munakata watches Anna continue working on the puzzle, he thinks he hasn't been fair to her all this time by thinking of her as only "Suoh's sister". Instead he should be treating her and getting to know her as her own person, regardless of her relation to Suoh or of his own feelings about the man.

"Anna," he starts, "is it alright for us to become friends?"

Anna looks up at Munakata with her big, curious eyes, and he wonders if possessing an intense gravitational pull runs in the family.

"Of course," she says. "Anyone who makes Mikoto happy is my friend. Reishi always makes Mikoto happy."

Munakata's face warms up a little. Anna ducks her head to hide a grin behind a curtain of her long white hair and pretends to not notice the colour of his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPIBA. Next update will be more dream-ish I promise, so please give this more-self-indulgent-than-usual chapter a pass.


	7. Reprisal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Munakata is more sentimental than he cares to admit, Totsuka gets into mixology, and the forest is a lie.

It was a lie.

When Suoh asked him about the forest, Munakata lied by saying he didn't remember. The truth is he does. He remembers walking from the shore, remembers summoning more and more trees around him, remembers waiting for a long, long time.

He doesn't know exactly how long, but it felt like eternity. It might as well have been.

In dreams you don't need to eat or sleep and even if you are so, so tired that your shoulders are heavy and your bones are aching, exhaustion is not what's going to kill you. So Munakata stayed in that forest until his hands were wrinkly, his knees were weak, and his back carried the weight of more years than he can count on his fingers. He waited without knowing what he was waiting for, until he forgot that he was waiting.

There was truth to his answers, however. Munakata truly did not think much of the forest before limbo. It was a recurring dream with Suoh in it, and that was that. He thought it was rather strange that he wasn't having more _imaginative_ dreams regarding Suoh, but he figured that dealing with him when they're awake would be more complicated had this not been the case. So Munakata just considered himself lucky in that regard and chose not to dwell on the possible significance of a dreary recurring dream such as his. Anyhow, even with its dullness, the forest still felt very intimate, very personal, even more so than an explicit dream would have.

He always knows that the forest is a dream, yet he keeps finding his hands in his pocket where he keeps his totem. He doesn't sleep without a piece on him anymore, mostly out of habit and maybe partly just to be safe. Making a living out of dreaming can mess one up, spending so much time in dreams that reality becomes distant and blurry, which is why Munakata thinks he should definitely change his totem soon.

Totems are supposed to ground one to reality. They serve as reminders that a dream is a dream, no matter how pleasant, and eventually one must awake from it. Munakata thinks it silly and pathetic of him to hold on to his wooden puzzle pieces and call them his "totem" when it's only in his juvenile fantasies that the puzzle is significant. He supposes in a sick masochistic way it reminds him of the reality that his feelings for Suoh are not returned, effectively grounding him. But it's never good to bring personal feelings into the workplace. Munakata happens to enjoy his job— that's why he stuck for so long— so he'd like to enjoy it longer by not thinking of Suoh every time he has his totem in his hands.

(When Suoh held his hand in that forest, Munakata felt safe, so safe. _Don't let go_ , he wanted to say. Suoh tightened his grip as if he can read his mind.)

Munakata wants to believe that he's not a sentimental person. Very few material things hold meaning for him, but maybe a totem doesn't necessarily need to mean anything anyway. Maybe it's better for him if his meant nothing at all.

"A totem is meant to ground you," Totsuka said when he was still showing Munakata the ropes. "It's meant to remind you to wake up. So it's a good idea to pick something that reminds you of what's waiting for you back here."

Totsuka never took out his own totem— a coin— for too long. Just enough to give Munakata a quick glance, an idea of what it is. At the corner of Munakata's eye, he saw Fushimi idly playing with a small pineapple keychain as he drew up new level plans.

"Of course, totems don't always have a story," Totsuka added with a shrug.

Munakata has repeatedly tried to replace the puzzle pieces with many different things, yet none of them felt right. None of them made him feel safe. None of them grounded him the way the wooden puzzle did. It makes him angry— at himself, at Suoh, at that stupid wooden puzzle he cannot seem to get rid of no matter how hard he tried. "Not sentimental" might not be entirely inaccurate, but there's always an exception, and Munakata's happens to be Suoh Mikoto.

"When did the forest dreams start?" Totsuka asks.

"I don't know for certain...," says Munakata. "After high school?"

"It's been a long time, huh?"

"Too long."

"And you never wondered what it meant?"

"No. I'm just glad it wasn't explicit."

Totsuka laughs. "Dreams don't always have meaning. You never worried about it before. No reason to start now."

They're alone at Bar HOMRA. Kusanagi dragged Suoh out to run errands, leaving Totsuka behind the bar, so he's been mixing his strange drinks for the past few hours. While Munakata is completely aware that Totsuka is attempting to get him drunk enough to talk freely, he finds that he actually enjoys taste testing for the guy, so he keeps accepting whatever he is presented with. If he ends up regretting this, he'll deal with it when he crosses the bridge.

"Totsuka-kun," says Munakata, "do you think I waited in that forest because I was subconsciously hoping Suoh would come for me?"

Totsuka hums contemplatively as he mixes another drink. At this point Munakata is starting to lose track of what he's putting in his concoctions.

"I'm not qualified to interpret your subconscious, Munakata-san," says Totsuka. "But since you're asking for my opinion, this is what I think—" he pours the drink into a glass and places it in front of Munakata, "—consciously or not, King has always been your totem."

A reason to wake up. A reminder of what (who?) is waiting back in reality. Munakata thinks of the forest, of the puzzle piece in one hand and Suoh's calloused fingers in the other. He thinks of Suoh's sleepy smile when they woke up next to each other on the train, of the first three kisses and the most recent one. They might not mean to Suoh as much as it means to himself, but Munakata cannot deny that the feelings they ignite in him has proven time and time again to be powerful enough to bring him back, to wake him up. Why else would he have so much trouble replacing the puzzle pieces? Nothing else was as effective.

"Hmm~ I'm really jealous now," Totsuka says playfully, though Munakata doesn't miss that mysterious glint in his eyes.

Munakata takes a sip of the latest drink and notes that it's a lot stronger than the ones that came before it. When he looks up, Totsuka is smiling at him mischievously.

"Look, if it's not going to be me, at least present me with an ending that won't make me regret not taking you for myself."

"What do you consider an ideal ending, then?" asks Munakata.

"One where you're both happy," says Totsuka. "Doesn't have to be with each other. Although considering the ten-year build up, you can't blame me for getting disappointed if you never get together."

"Ah...." Munakata drinks more of Totsuka's special mix and lets it warm him inside. "I don't know what I want."

"You wouldn't be talking to me like this if you did." Totsuka folds his arms on the bar and rests his chin on them.

Figuring out his feelings is one thing. What he _wants_ to do with them is another. Just as the forest meant nothing until Munakata gave meaning to it in limbo, his feelings are only feelings until he acts on them. Suoh might have been less clear with his intentions than Totsuka has been with his own, but he has already put forth his piece on the board when he pulled Munakata out of limbo and kissed him under the lamppost that night. It's Munakata's turn now, only he doesn't know what he wants to do.

He finishes the glass and pushes it towards Totsuka, who moves off the bar to mix another drink.

"Go on a date. See how it goes."

"A proper date?"

"Yeah..." Totsuka turns to him. "Never been on one before?"

Munakata shrugs. "I've never had time for such things."

"Oh, Munakata-san." Totsuka is smiling at him so brightly that he momentarily forgets it's already evening outside. "I'd gladly show you a great date myself, but I'm not the one you want to go out with."

"I'm not opposed to spending time with a friend, though. Definitely nothing against going out with you."

Totsuka puts both of his hands on his chest over his heart and sighs deeply. He pouts at Munakata playfully.

"Only you can gracefully accept a date with me _and_ friendzone me at the same time," says Totsuka, mirth in his voice. "If I didn't like you so much, I'd be offended."

"I'm sorry..."

"It's fine." Totsuka grins. "But you can't take that back, okay? We'll go out, just the two of us!"

Totsuka's positive energy is so contagious that Munakata finds himself answering with a smile of his own.

He is served a few more drinks, each stronger and more bizarre than the last, before Kusanagi and Suoh return from their errands. Munakata admits to being a little tipsy when Suoh asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern, but he's not yet drunk. He's still aware of his surroundings. He's still 100% conscious of Suoh's close proximity, the heat of the body next to his, the weight of the puzzle piece in the pocket of his jacket.

Even without holding his totem in his hand, Munakata knows for sure that he isn't dreaming.

"Suoh," he says as steadily as he can even as his hands tremble. "Go out with me."

Surprise passes through Suoh's face before it is quickly replaced by a mix of confusion and suspicion. Suoh turns to Totsuka.

"Oi, what was in the drink you gave this guy?" he asks.

Totsuka giggles. He points at the empty glasses from the previous drinks he mixed, all of them Munakata drank by himself. "Which one?"

Munakata thinks he heard an undignified squeak from Kusanagi, who may or may not be displeased by Totsuka's foray into mixology, but it's the horrified look on Suoh that keeps his attention. It dawns on him that Suoh may still not have much faith in his alcohol tolerance and it almost makes him laugh.

"Okay, I'm sending you home, Munakata."

"I'm fine. Just tipsy enough to ask you out," Munakata pauses, "...which, depending on your perspective, may actually not be the definition of 'fine'... In any case, if you send me home now, I'll take that as a no."

Suoh frowns at him. "If I say yes, will you stop drinking these nasty things?"

"I'm not a lightweight."

"I can tell. No one can drink that much of Totsuka's stuff and still be upright."

"Hmm... I suppose I have been drinking too much of that. They are delicious, though..."

Suoh takes the latest glass from him. "And people call _me_ a monster."

"You look and act like one," says Munakata. "Go out with me."

"Okay."

"You can't take that back anymore."

"Hey, you're the one who asked a monster out." Suoh shrugs and puts the glass down before leaning on the bar. "Should Mr. Prissypants be hanging out with a brute like me in public?"

"Probably not," Munakata answers, "but I just figured out what the forest was all about and I decided I desire no more regrets."

With that, the pieces on the board finally begin to move. Munakata feels the weight on his chest lift, and he doesn't even reach for the puzzle in his pocket. He still thinks he should definitely change his totem soon. But right now, Suoh standing beside him in a place other than a dreary forest is enough to ground him. Enough to assure him that reality is right here. Enough to let him know that he is awake.

(Behind the bar, Kusanagi is scolding Totsuka and making him clean up all the mess he made.)


	8. Peripetiea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there was anything more unstoppable than a train speeding towards a broken bridge over a thousand feet drop, it was the combined determination of two very dumb, very stubborn teenagers.

Kusanagi Izumo learned of dream sharing when he was a foolish kid in high school. His uncle knew someone who knew someone and somehow Izumo ended up at a dream sharing den in a very questionable part of the town looking for him. It was 11:11 in the evening, a school night, and he had homework due the next day. But instead of doing them he spent the whole night questioning the den's attendant all about dream sharing, ending up with nothing to turn in for class.

Yet he learned so much more that night than in one day spent at school, and it is likely the exact moment his interest in chemistry seriously began. There was just something about being able to manipulate sleep and dreams that drew him in, and since then he has been in an ever continuing educational journey. Every time he went under he learned something new, and the best thing was the sharing aspect of it which meant he didn't have to choose between work and play. He could bring his friends along and they could discover new things together.

Izumo thinks it was his naiveté that prevented him from realizing sooner the dangers of the dream sharing technology. He was very young, very foolish. It was an age when he was more prone to paying attention to the cloud of infatuation over the voice of rationality. So he was bound to make a lot of mistakes and irreversible damages, regrets he will carry on his shoulders for the rest of his life.

Funny, because he used to think of himself as someone who didn't regret. It seems pointless, after all, to regret something you cannot change.

For most of his career as an extractor, Izumo has made it a point to choose his jobs very carefully, keeping to his personal rules and code of honor. Totsuka teases him about it—what's the point of being so incredibly anal about rules when their job isn't exactly legal anyway (not entirely illegal either because of lack of laws on it and such, but that's besides the point)? Still, he knows that Totsuka knows. It's sort of his— _their?_ —way to atone for the things he has done as a stupid kid given access to an incredibly dangerous technology. He didn't have to do it, and it wasn't like anyone else besides Mikoto and Totsuka knew about their juvenile adventures with dream sharing, so there wasn't exactly anyone to answer to. But among the many, many misdeeds they've committed, there was one thing Izumo believes he will never truly be able to clear out from his conscience, and, perhaps, the truth is that it is a big part of why he wants to do this whole atoning thing.

 

 

 

 

_"You know how we've been taking stuff from dreams?" Totsuka said one day. They've just woken up from their latest adventure that involved stealing exam answers from Mikoto's math teacher. "If we can take things, then it's possible to_ leave _something too, right?"_

_"Guess so...," said Izumo. He briefly thought about it before. He just didn't know how to go about doing it._

_"Wouldn't it be interesting?" said Totsuka. "Planting an idea instead of taking one."_

_"What kinda idea?"_

_"Dunno. Maybe something like 'Totsuka is a really cool dude!' so everyone would want to be my friend."_

_Izumo laughed. "What, you regrettin' hangin' with us now?"_

_"That's not it!" Totsuka giggled. "But if we could do something like that, it would be interesting, right?"_

_Mikoto said nothing, but his eyes lit up a little._

_"Hmm... I s'ppose it'd be an interesting experiment," Izumo mused._

 

 

 

 

Totsuka wasn't even in high school yet—he was thirteen, a little shrimp of a junior high—when they first met Munakata Reishi. Izumo himself wasn't very interested in the guy, but Mikoto and Totsuka obviously felt differently even if they had different ways of showing it. When Totsuka bumped into Munakata in a specialty shop and found out he was into puzzles, Totsuka became obsessed with puzzles and board games the whole first half of that year, perhaps a record breaking duration for someone who seemed to change hobbies every few weeks. Mikoto, meanwhile, got into a lot more trouble, quickly earning a pretty bad reputation as a delinquent, just for the sake of spending a few minutes being lectured and glared at by a huffy prissy first year who seemed to fancy himself the student council president.

Even with a pretty face like his, Izumo thought Munakata was not worth getting into new hobbies or suffering detention for. It wasn't even that the guy wasn't friendly or anything; it was just that he could come off very condescending, and that alone was a very effective friend repellent. Because of this, even though many students admired Munakata's looks and academic achievements, none of them were actually his _friends_ , like the kind who would hang out with him during lunch or after school and such.

Munakata shouldn't have been Izumo's problem anymore because he was graduating soon. Of course, that wasn't how it worked out because Mikoto and Totsuka were _really_ interested in this new guy. And if there was anything more unstoppable than a train speeding towards a broken bridge over a thousand feet drop, it was the combined determination of two very dumb, very stubborn teenagers.

If only Izumo knew, he would have jumped in front of that trainwreck and sacrificed his life to prevent it from hurling itself into the abyss. Unfortunately, he didn't really think of anything besides the thrill of planning their biggest adventure yet. If they succeed, it would be an irrefutable proof that planting an idea via dream sharing is possible _and_ a friendless kid would have three new buddies. He thought Munakata should be thanking him, if anything.

"'Kay, so, in extraction, the thing's already there for us to take," said Izumo as he absentmindedly twirled his pen in his fingers. "But how exactly do we leave somethin' that doesn't exist yet...?"

"Yeah..." Totsuka sighed. He slumped over the coffee table that he and Izumo were sitting at. "Taking is easy, but if we're _leaving_ something, can we be sure that it'll stay there?"

Mikoto, lazily sprawled on the couch, didn't look up from the manga he was reading. He said, "Maybe 's like planting. Bury it deep. Let it take root."

"How deep is 'deep'? We've done two layers before, so that shouldn't be a problem."

Totsuka hummed thoughtfully. "Munakata-san seems like a very smart guy, though. I feel like two layers isn't enough for him."

"We've never done three...," Izumo said, giving Totsuka a worried look. "I think that's already dangerous."

"It'll be fine! There are three of us and we've done pretty well before. How hard could it be?"

"You do realize only one of us'll be on the third layer, right? We've never really done this alone before. And synchronizing the kicks..."

Totsuka laughed and reached across the coffee table to pat Izumo on the shoulder. "Don't worry. King can handle it!"

Izumo looked up at Mikoto who showed no sign of protest; instead, he was smiling the way he does when he's looking forward to something. In hindsight Izumo probably should have thought of this as an omen. Anything that Mikoto got excited about or was willing to do was probably never a good idea in the first place.

"Alriiiiight," said Izumo with a heavy sigh. "We'll probably need a stronger dose of Somnacin for that, so I'll need time to research, 'kay?"

Mikoto, whose patience was next to non-existent, let out an annoyed huff, which Izumo answered with a warning look.

"We need to plan this carefully," said Izumo seriously. "We're doin' this 'coz ya both wanna. Might as well go about this properly, so we'll do it my way."

"Oh, so your way is the 'proper' way now?"

"Better than your preferred method of just winging it."

Mikoto shrugged. "Just shoot us in the head if something goes wrong."

"I told you, that only works in one dream level. We're not yet sure we'll wake up if we do the same in multiple levels. No one's tried it before, as far as I know..."

"Then we'll just make sure nothing goes wrong!" said Totsuka. He grabbed Izumo's hand in both of his and looked up at him with wide puppy eyes. "I believe in you, Kusanagi-san! I'm sure everything will go smoothly as long as you're the one in charge!"

"Oh, shut up." Izumo rolled his eyes, but a smile was playing on his lips. He couldn't help it if even Totsuka's shallow praises does things to his ego too.

They both laugh.

 

 

 

 

_There is a forest, quiet and still._

_"Let's go home, Munakata."_

 

 

 

 

The idea they planted was simple enough: _Mikoto is someone that can be trusted_. It was meant to bear fruit to the suggestion that Mikoto (and by extension Totsuka and Izumo) is a friend Munakata can depend on, and hopefully that would translate to a friendship in the waking world. The plan went very well. _Too_ well. Everything went exactly as Izumo intended it, up until the very end.

The problem is that because he didn't consider the possible side effects of what they were doing, their little experiment had an "end". The seed they planted took root, but there was no way for them to control the branches as it grew, so while they did get what they wanted, the idea they left behind in Munakata's subconscious didn't just stop growing there.

And as he sat on the rooftop smoking a cigarette, watching Mikoto and Munakata exchange shy, tentative glances, their hesitant touches barely ghosting over each other's hands, Izumo realized they definitely have crossed a line they shouldn't have.

Their original goal was admittedly morally questionable from the very beginning. Artificially forging an emotional connection isn't quite fair to the clueless party, but Izumo at first reasoned to himself that they didn't mean any harm. They were only trying to help and it shouldn't hurt to learn a bit more about dream sharing while they were at it, right? Besides, it wasn't a lie that Mikoto is a trustworthy friend.

Or so he thought. At least, the dismissive look Mikoto gave him when he voiced out his concerns made him question his judgment of this guy's character.

"Is it so bad, though?" Mikoto asked. They were hanging out in Mikoto's room, pretending to help Totsuka on his homework. "No one's hurt."

"Not _yet_ ," Izumo said. "But there were too many variables we failed to take into consideration and you ain't taking this as seriously as you should."

"I'm sure everything's fine," said Totsuka.

"And what if it's not?"

"We'll think of somethin'," said Mikoto. "We always do."

"You don't understand, both of you. This is bigger than us. So much bigger."

"He'll be fine. I'm takin' care of him, alright? So chill, will ya?"

"I can't 'chill', Mikoto!" Izumo yelled. "Not when I know we've done something we don't completely understand the consequences of!"

Mikoto shot Izumo a suspicious look. "Are you jealous?"

It took all of Izumo's willpower to not grab his chair and hurl it at Mikoto's face. "You're really not getting it. You really don't realize the gravity of what we've done."

"If it bothers you so much, let's just go back and do the opposite of what we did. That should do it."

"Don't be stupid. It doesn't work that way." Izumo got up to leave and swung the door open as violently as he can get away with without actually breaking it. "We're not going back anymore. We're not sharing dreams again. Ever."

Totsuka called after him, but Izumo ignored his pleas, letting his feet take him as far away from his friends as they possibly can. He needed time alone to really think about what they've gotten themselves into.

 

 

 

 

_"As uncouth as ever, I see," were Munakata's first words to Mikoto when Izumo first introduced him as a new member of their team._

_Mikoto, not one to back down from a challenge, shot back an insult of his own with the kind of familiarity that didn't betray the years they have been apart. To a casual observer, these two were strangers being complete jerks to each other, but to Izumo, the fondness in both their voices rung loud and clear, and it made his blood run cold._

_Perhaps, he thought, his punishment is the suffocating weight of his guilt that the very presence of Munakata in Bar HOMRA will keep reminding him of from now on._

 

 

 

 

"You were right, Kusanagi-san."

Totsuka's voice was barely a whisper. He looked at Izumo apologetically, defeated, every inch of him shaking in fear or devastation, Izumo couldn't tell. Slowly stirring awake on the armchair next to him is Munakata who he had guided to his first dream as part of the extraction team.

"This is bigger than us. So much bigger."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been sitting in my WIPs since August last year and I just super want to finally get it out of my system. I'm sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from [a song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sstGezJYsf0), which is only vaguely related in the way that all songs are OTP songs if you're deep enough.


End file.
